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Tuesday, June 25, 2019
Kitty Performance Art in Amsterdam Draws Shock and Awe
Posted by Chops
Dutch, a Dutch exhibitionist cat

Pic by Moyan Brenn, Flickr

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A Dutch exhibitionist cat by the name of, well, Dutch, struck an artistic pose for several days outside of a semi-popular cafe in Amsterdam, Netherlands. The performance piece, entitled "Go Away, I Mean It, Seriously" has drawn worldwide attention and acclaim and for its unbelievable physical strain.

We interviewed Dutch during the marathon event. And since we don't speak cat, we consulted renowned cat whisperer Jackson Galaxy for translation.

Herrington Post: "This is a truly amazing and wondrous feat, Dutch. The world is watching this breathtaking display of athletic prowess."

Dutch: "Meow."

Jackson Galaxy: "What makes you think I can translate any of this? The cat is either really sleepy or it's suffering from a horrific spinal injury. There. Can I have my check?"

Herrington Post: "Fascinating. So why are you doing this, Dutch? Is it for world peace? Are you staging an environmental protest?"

Dutch: "Meow."

Jackson Galaxy: "I think he's just bored. Or hungry. Bored and hungry."

Herrington Post: "I see, I see. That is a stunning criticism of the Iran Nuclear Program."

Dutch: "Meow."

Jackson Galaxy: "I'm going to get a beer. You okay here?"

Sadly, Dutch disappeared after the third day and was never heard from again. Some speculate that it was a political assassination instigated by Iranian President Hassan Rouhani. Others say that he went to fight crime in the Amazon. Residents seem to think that he just wandered home. A mysterious local legend claims that Dutch lives with an elderly gentleman just around the corner, and that his name is actually Gerald. The mystery persists, mostly because we got too drunk with Jackson to investigate.

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