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Fairly Imbalanced News
Monday, August 20, 2018
The Endless Circle of Partisan Pixie Politics
Posted by Chops
A member of the pixie Green Party reacts to a controversial statement by a member of the pixie Blue Party.

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As the saying goes, only two things are certain: death and taxes. But if we had to add a third, it would be: the bloody battle between liberal and conservative pixies.

For many centuries now, the liberal Green Party and conservative Blue Party have been at each other's throats over primarily social issues. They are bitterly divided over traditional and progressive views.

Issues like budding rights and fairy marriage remain hot buttons in the community. The often result to nasty flame wars that can sometimes escalate into violence. Just last year, several pixie dusters where murdered at the hands of extremists hell bent on putting an end to bud snipping.

Over half of the Pixie Kingdom has legalized fairy marriage, which puts Blue Party values onto the proverbial chopping block. Many fear that they will be vilified by pixie history, but stop just short of compromising their ancient principles.

Every pixie recalls the infamous Castle Pond incident. A controversial ruling in favor of religiously biased corporations saw competing protest groups explode into violence. Millions of pixies died. The collective pixie conscience has been irreparably marred ever since.

Ironically, both parties have always been on the same page when it comes to economic and financial matters, which known in the vast Pixie Kingdom as ''The Shit That Matters''. Each party favors a balanced approach of fair taxes and reasonable spending.

However, constant bickering about social issues has left the Pixie Kingdom without a modicum of civil discourse. To make matters worse, corporate owned media outlets often fan the fairy dust for ratings. Air time is often given to the stupidest pixies with the most extreme views.

Moderate pixies are screaming for reasonable compromise, but it is falling on the deaf ears of gridlocked leadership. Until a common ground is found between moderate representatives, it seems the corporate-controlled fringes will continue dividing the Pixie Kingdom.

Big Dust and Big Magic, far and away the biggest political donors, declined to comment.

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