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Sunday, November 18, 2018
Terrorist Clowns Holding Minnesota Children Hostage
Posted by Chops
Unidentified members of ICIC (International Coalition of Insane Clowns) holding three Minnesota children hostage.

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This chilling photo was recently released by terrorist organization ICIC (International Coalition of Insane Clowns) showing three American children being held hostage.

The identities of the two terrorist clowns are not yet known. However, clues to their whereabouts have come to light and are being studied. It is believed that the manufacturer of the Spongebob Squarepants terror shrine is located in Indianapolis, Indiana. Purchasing and shipping records are currently being confiscated by the CIA.

ICIC was formed several years ago in Russia after the violent fall of the CCC (Cuddly Clowns Collective). The CCC was seen as too weak and vulnerable by several of its members, who elected to depart the organization to form a more extremist version. The act of haunting children's dreams was simply not enough to satisfy the blood lust of extremist members. They wanted prolonged face-to-face interaction with children in order to scar them for life.

''Death to innocence!'' is a common refrain heard in ICIC propaganda. Their goal is the systematic conversion of all carefree child innocence into permanent bed-wetting horror.

The hostages in question have been identified as a small group of friends from Minneapolis, Minnesota that were travelling with parents to Moscow for a really lame vacation. Their names are being withheld for security reasons and to prevent teasing by friends back home.

The United States has condemned the actions of ICIC and has called for an end to the terror.

''We vow to fight ICIC to the ends of the Earth,'' barked Arizona Senator John McCain while stroking his pet grenade, Mr. Boombastic.

When pressed for a specific strategy, Senator McCain simply grunted and ground his teeth.

''We're all going to die!'' exclaimed South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham in a comically thick Southern accent while cowering in the corner of his office.

We approached the White House for comment, but were thwarted by busy signals. We can only assume President Obama was busy making a sandwich. More as this story develops.

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