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Fairly Imbalanced News
Tuesday, June 25, 2019
Struggling Families Supported by Family Dogs
Posted by Chops
Precious of Madison, Wisconson. She is the Smith family dog and their new genius financial planner.

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Times are tough these days with a struggling economy and high unemployment. As families continue to sink deeper and deeper into their financial depressions, one family member is stepping up: the dog.

It seems that Fido is growing weary of his off-brand dry kibble. In an effort to sure up the family finances and in turn bring back his glorious canned delights, he has taken on various roles that include accounting and financial planning.

The strategy is paying off big for some families who welcome a dog's fresh new perspective. Clothing budgets have been slashed in favor of growing fur. Water bills have been drastically reduced by opting to drink directly from the toilet and by family members licking each other clean. Some families even forgo cable service in favor of more simplistic forms of entertainment.

''I never knew how engaging a simple laser pointer could be,'' exclaimed one dog owner.

''When you learn to live without bath water, genitalia licking takes on a whole new meaning,'' cites a satisfied husband.

''It takes time to adjust, but now I actually appreciate the various nuances of toilet water,'' notes another.

It remains to be seen whether or not ''dogonimics'' are here to stay. It may just be a safety raft in tough times, but many families are vowing to stick with the new strategy.

''The savings are undeniable,'' said one woman while licking her armpit.

Even banks have taken notice. Wells Fargo and Bank of America now offer owner-canine joint checking and savings accounts. Some are installing ATMs that featuring paw print recognition software.

''Times are changing and we will change with them,'' said Bank of America CEO Brian Moynihan while trying to lick his own balls.

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