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Thursday, May 23, 2019
Elves Are Real and They Live Among Us
Posted by Chops
Real life elves Bethtavious Anglesmith, Angelicoron Lightbringer, and Dortmondus Leafchewer

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Rejoice Tolkien fans! It has been discovered and confirmed that elves are in fact real and they live among us. This unprecedented photograph was taken in Richmond, Virginia by an intoxicated urban hiker on his way to a Burger King. The elves are shown in their natural habitat among random green foliage.

The hiker, Seth McMillan, spoke to the elves and learned of their ways. They were dressed as common city dwellers in order to move freely among the urban folk. Apparently the elves are well adapted to human life, as they enjoy hamburgers and sexy time.

The three female elves are known by their human names Beth, Angela, and Dory. Their elvish names are most more complex and phonetically challenging: Bethtavious Anglesmith, Angelicoron Lightbringer, and Dortmondus Leafchewer. The correct pronunciation involves elevating the chin and speaking in a dainty English accent.

It is not yet known whether the newly discovered Elvish Kingdom is in discussions with the United States or United Nations. War has not been declared, nor has peace been achieved. We assume one or the other will be announced in the near future.

It is of common public opinion in the United States that the elves should be bombed back to the fantasy world they came from. They are entering our country illegally and stealing jobs from honest hardworking Americans. There has already been a proposal to build a giant manned fence around the Elvish Kingdom, wherever it may be.

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