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Sunday, November 18, 2018
Mr. Potato Heads Hanging Themselves, Thanks Obamacare
Posted by Chops
GRAPHIC PHOTO:
Mr. Potato Heads around the country are hanging themselves due to frustrations with Obamacare. This image is of a mass suicide outside of Boise, Idaho.

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In yet another abysmal failure of Obamacare, i.e. the single greatest tragedy in the history of America, it seems that Mr. Potato Heads all over the country are hanging themselves out of healthcare frustration.

The issue arose when an epidemic of flesh-eating parasites began to ravage Potato Head families. Often poor and rarely insured, these starchy families were forced into urgent care facilities and emergency rooms. Unfortunately, they were refused service because of their lack of basic human anatomy. Many have been accosted by uniformed hospital personnel and forced into microwaves to perish.

''These death panels must stop!'' cites one delicious spud. ''Obamacare is killing us!''

When confronted by the facts and realities of the Affordable Care Act, most spuds popped out their ears and started screaming ''LA LA LA OBAMA BAD LA LA LA'' over and over and over. Efforts to educate these tasty vegetables have proven fruitless. Rather than learn about the thing they revile for no rational reason, countless tubers have turned to suicide.

When reached for comment, most hospitals laughed and immediately hung up. One brave nurse recalled a harrowing tale of ancestral hardships during the Irish Potato Famine, while snacking on French fries. We politely pointed out the horrendous contradiction. She cursed and hung up.

Alas, the racial tension between carbohydrates and the Obama administration continues. Maybe one day they will come to an understanding. And maybe one day I will bang Scarlett Johansson.

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