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Thursday, May 23, 2019
Marine Private Revolutionizes Sniper Detection
Posted by Chops
Marine Private Chad Angler demonstrating the Hooker, his revolutionary new sniper detection technology.

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As military budgets continue to skyrocket out of control, one savvy Marine has developed an ingenious new sniper detection technology. He calls it ''The Hooker''.

This is not to be confused with actual hookers. I'm sure many of us would abandon a hard-fought position if a large breasted prostitute started scampering across a mine field.

''Well, I got the idea when I was bass fishing one day,'' said Hooker inventor Chad Angler. ''I was like, well, the sniper ain't movin', and I can't exactly just start lobbin' grenades everywhere, but I might be able to hook the bastard and make him squeal away his position.''

Chad based his new invention on his favorite rod and reel combination. He applied stealth technology to the crank and shaft, then developed an aerodynamic nylon string. He then tested it on groundhogs in hay fields. The results were astonishing.

''I hooked them critters good,'' he proudly exclaimed. ''Even got a stray poodle.''

The military took notice and ordered an astonishing 100,000 units at $10,000 each to be distributed among all armed forces.

The US Navy did not immediately embrace the idea because sailors were confusing the instrument with shore leave.

''They'd say 'go get a hooker', and we did,'' said one annoyed sailor. ''Left the ship and came back later to a pissed off superior. Can't believe we got reprimanded for an honest mistake. It's bullshit I tell you.''

Private Angler hopes The Hooker secures its legacy among famed weapons like the tomahawk. Only time will tell whether or not military museums in the future are full of Hookers.

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