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Thursday, May 23, 2019
Woman Gains X-Ray Vision, Family Cautiously Thrilled
Posted by Chops
In a miraculous story that sees science fiction become science fact, a lucky Indiana woman has gained the superpower of x-ray vision.

Selma Farthing woke up one day to discover that she can see the insides of things.

''It was horrifying at first, but I soon learned to adapt,'' Selma said while visually undressing our reporter. ''You have a brain tumor by the way.''

Selma now spends her days living life as a pseudo-superhero. She helps the helpless by diagnosing mystery ailments and finding lost items, all for free.

''I like to pay it forward,'' she said. ''Sometimes it's finding cancer, sometimes it's finding a remote control in a couch.''

She has received numerous offers from hospitals and diagnostic clinics who want to exploit her talents to save money on expensive machines. While the offers are considerable, she prefers to remain an normal person with an extraordinary talent.

Her family has mixed feelings about the talent. She lives with her mother, husband, and three children. She has two preteen daughters and a teenage son.

''While I'm super proud of her abilities, privacy has become a hot topic in our household,'' said Scott Peterson, her husband of 15 years.

''You can't exactly masturbate in peace when your mom can see through the walls,'' notes her son Jeremy. ''Now I have to do it in school bathrooms and such. It sucks.''

It's not yet clear whether the ability is permanent or not. Doctors are baffled as to how she acquired x-ray vision in the first place.

''We ran a barrage of tests, all of which were inconclusive,'' said Peter King, one of Selma's doctors. ''We were going to get an x-ray, but we found it kind of redundant.''

Regardless, Selma vows to continue helping those in need while her abilities persist. She hopes to meet Stan Lee one day because that would be a mutually fascinating experience.

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