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Fairly Imbalanced News
Thursday, May 23, 2019
About The Herrington Post
Greetings earthlings.

We are the Omicrons of Galwock 36, a boring little puff of a solar system over in the neighboring galaxy you call Andromeda. We landed on your Earth back in the 60's, just outside of Albuquerque, New Mexico, and have since assimilated into your culture. We look remarkably similar and have been mingling among you for over 50 years. Neat, huh? We especially love your Jerry. He's hilarious.

But alas, a grave sickness has struck our home planet and we need to return home to assist our brethren. However, our ship is in much need of repair and we are out of the necessary nuclear fuel needed to make the long journey home. So, we must raise the necessary funds in order to make said repairs and acquire said fuel. We kicked several ideas around, and after a few unfruitful bake sales, we decided to develop a new American news outlet.

After much pain and incessant bitching, we launched The Herrington Post.

Over the last several decades, we have noticed that your American media culture has rapidly shifted from an objective public service to a profit-driven, ratings-hungry, bastion of bullshit. While dangerously divisive and infrequently informative, you earthlings seem to enjoy your daily doses of confirmation bias. You mindlessly click on frivolous material which earns your media companies truck loads of money.

Well, we want in on that. We can shamelessly make shit up too!

We have studied your American media and the formula seems pretty simple:

Step 1:  Write hyper-sensationalized articles with a complete disregard for facts.
Step 2:  Fan the flames of perceived conflict until readers stop giving a shit.
Step 3:  Profit!

Help us Omicrons return to Galwock 36! Read our fluff and fling the feces of ignorance! Yank those correlated causations out of your dirty bungholes! Blame your president and/or his predecessor for anything you wish! Weave your tangled web of conspiracy theories! And always remember to reduce complex concepts down to a few incoherent sentences!

Make us your trusted source for untrustworthy news.

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